jesuschristvevo:

this one time in first grade we were having a party and the teacher asked us to bring in deserts and forks and cups and knives and i was in charge of the knives but i didnt know she wanted plastic ones so i brought regular ones and i got really angry about messing up so i started throwing the knives around the room and killed like seven people

skittyspostlimitblog:

sometimes my twelve year old little sister will go on club penguin and trick a bunch of girls that she’s a guy and she’ll make them think they’re dating and then she’ll have them all meet her in the same place at the same time and watch them get into catfights about who’s boyfriend she is and thats how my little sister became a cross-dressing evil mastermind pimp on club penguin

(Source: knightpecutie)